Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Ballad Of ANWR Drilling

Everyone agrees, the sticker shock at the gas pump has left us all a little dazed. I wince when I think that a single tank of gas costs more than my high school church camp. I saved up for that for months. It costs a fifth of my freshman semester tuition at ISU.

Intellectually I understand inflation and economic realities, but emotionally my eyes water.

All the conservative pundents have shared their solutions to our gas price blues, so I wasn’t surprised to hear them trot out their old chestnut of an answer to all our fuel problems. Everything will be better if only we would drill in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge.

I have to give them points for persistence.

Located in northeast Alaska, the Arctic Refuge is the biological heart of this untamed wilderness. It contains the greatest diversity of animal life of any conservation area in the circumpolar region. Often called the “American Serengeti” ANWR is the wildest place left in America. Numerous species depend on this fragile, unique ecosystem for survival.

As the Politicos babbled, I could hear the faint strains of banjo music in my head, and see all the happy oil executives standing around the “cement pond” talking about the “bubbling crude” and smiling about the prospect of even more record profits.

A song came to mind, of course accompanied by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs on their five string banjos. Please sing along to the tune of “The Ballad of Jed Clampett”, or otherwise known as the Beverly Hillbilly’s theme.

The Ballad Of ANWR Drilling

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a bunch of phonies,
rich oil men and their oilmen cronies.

With oil prices high, they resurrected their dream,
To drill the Artic refuge is the devious scheme.

Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Well, first thing they do is mention oil on the air,
Life will be better if we get it out of there.

The democrats don’t love ya if they won’t let us drill.
Who cares about the ecosystem that we’ll kill.

Caribou that is, snow geese, polar bears.

Of course drilling won’t get started for quite a few years,
And it won’t actually help us dry our present tears,

And when we get it going who’ll share the news,
ANWR’s only 5% of our total use.

Not much that is, drop in a bucket, fools gold.

..........................................

And every time pro-drilling advocates lose another round, they just smile in their mansions and say, “We’ll all be back now, y’hear”.